I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
