These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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