the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
