omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
