This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
