i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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