Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to calm my uterus...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
