Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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