I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
