But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
