oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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