no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
