yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize