I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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