Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
