Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
