I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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