Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Damn victory sex feels great
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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