bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
