Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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