I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
