I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
