So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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