My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
