I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
