I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
