Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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