Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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