Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
