peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
