I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
