Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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