Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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