My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
