had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
