dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
