You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
