Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
