obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
