I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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