ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize