upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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