Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
