Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
