She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
