Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
