I think my fart just growled at me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
