i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
