Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
