I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize