my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
