I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
