Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize