so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
