Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
