Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
