i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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