Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
