Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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