It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
