i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
