Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
