Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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