she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
