If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize